Well I sure have not posted for a while so i thought I'd use my lovely Sunday afternoon to do so.
I am coming home in January, after the semester of school ends and i am looking for ward to it. I just cant take it anymore, being here. I can't, i should have listened.
I thought this would be easier for me to do
but all I've done is drown myself in quicksand.
i said i wanted to chose but maybe having someone
else chose for me would have caused me so much less pain.
and I'm standing here with nothing but the wind
lost in despair and alone in the dark.
and then there's you watching me, with not even one remark.
why did it come to this
when you could have made a simple fix
well now I'm done with all of your tricks
and off to find a better way.
i wanted it to be different but your brainwashed into cement
a cold heart and solid mind has led me to change mine.
i don't know why i gave you a second chance when i know you didn't deserve it.
maybe the thought of you changing for me, loving me.
but now i know that was out of the question.
i say you've hurt me and you say its going to be okay.
you don't understand. your so low all you know is how to betray.
i believed you when you said you wanted me, it was all just a lie
and now I'm forced too say goodbye.
why did it come to this
when you could have made a simple fix
well now I'm done with all of your tricks
and off to find a better way.
you've left me with no where to go.
all i wanted was to know.
the truth, but it's been lost in time.
there's now way of turning back the clock
there's now way of tuning back what you've done.
You have left me once before and now its my time.
i now have to let down others because of you. i have to leave
what i have created and tear it down and start at square one, again.
the moment i felt on top of the world, you tore me down and made me start again.
i am nothing but a tiny square and this is what you've created, i hope your proud.
why did it come to this
when you could have made a simple fix
well now I'm done with all of your tricks
and off to find a better way.
why did i choose this,
i was so sure, but now you have me questioning my own being.
i want to be the bigger person and not blame it on you
because i was the one who came, who decided to try, then again
your the one who drown me in sorrow and pushed me away when i reached out.
all i have to say is I'm sorry, I'm sorry you wont be able to see me again.
I'm sorry you wont get to see me grow old, even though you never really have
I'm sorry you had to see me cry all those nights over you.
I'm sorry you had to lie to me. I'm sorry that you have none of my respect anymore.
I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. I'm done with you.
why did it come to this
when you could have made a simple fix
well now I'm done with all of your tricks
and off to find a better way.
People say love is blind but i don't even feel it anymore.
you've stripped me clean of feeling it for you.
I've forgiven you but i will never love you.
not anymore. not again. i know its a waste of my time
because i know you will never feel the same.
I'm done, I'm done, I'm done.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Everything looks so perfect from far away
"You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until it's happening. You don't recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you're right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone. The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize there's not enough time, because you wanna live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days."
May 21 2009 Note..
-how can we ever think that our thoughts can let us down, our mind is a mystery no matter how we spin around and our life lets us down we always have tomorrow. its never too late to start a new day, to forgive and start to love again. i had the pleasure of going down to visit in southern alberta this past week and i would have never found out how much love and affection my mother has for me without it, we talked about love, god and everything under the sun that life entitles How life can be so hard at times but all we have to do is get up on our feet and try again, it's as simple as that. it's never too late to try again and if you're seeking love from someone that you think you've lost if they truly love you they will learn to love you again. forgiveness is such a hard issue for me. i try to love so hard, to love everyone around me and to believe in it so that my life will somehow make sense. my mom told me that a huge part of love is knowing that you need to forgive people, i've always had trouble letting down my guard to my emotions and somehow whenever i do i find that i get hurt. i said why should i forgive someone after they've hurt me so badly and they've let me down to a point where i don't want to live or love anymore and she replied and said 'that thats part of loving, in order to take life to the fullest we need to not let certain things bother us. i've forgiven you're aunt and she is now one of my best friends. if i hadn't done that i wouldn't have experienced most of the most memorable moments of my life.' god has enabled us to forgive and we should learn to use that to our advantage but this is only for those who deserve it and will be there for you in the long run. forgiveness is not for any soul but for those who will love you back, if my mother has given me the most amazing advice it was that to trust in god and to love everyone around you, everyone deserves a little love from everyone. when you love people they will return a favor. i don't want to have huge regret and guilt on my shoulders from not forgiving and loving certain people in my life but honestly some people son't deserve it, how am i supposed to love everyone when all those people have shown me hate? how am i supposed to forgive them and love them when they don't believe in anything i do or anything that is true? my oh my how my how my thoughts spin me round. not just thoughts but real people. it's amazing how much words and actions and simple thoughts can effect people, how man made things can affect our lives and make us do things we never thought possible in good and bad ways. And how religion can be decyphered by those we call "prophets"... were all the same person, i don't understand why or how we can follow one person. decide for yourself what and who you want to be. don't follow other people. many parents say don't be a follower and yet they choose to follow others for religion.. it makes no sense when you think about it. we always say follow your heart but truly no one is. were all one person following one another. everything is the same, somehow robotic. change things for yourself, decide things for yourself do things for yourself and create your own views. it sounds selfish but which sounds more rediculous, following your heart or becoming part of a huge cult that is known as earth? were the most selfish planet you know? if you'r christian then you know the whole thing about the crusification. were the only ones who would do that. who would pound nails into someones hand because of what they believe, look at the holocaust, and even what is happening in srilanka right now. people can be terrible and cruel. but thats why we have to help one another help eachother grow, express our views and create relationships that will last forever. God has so much left to come for all of us and so many more trials and hardships but really, where would life be without the bad things? we wouldn't really feel real, we wouldn't appreciate the small victories that rarely come upon us. we all need to love and to appreciate what we have, to have grattitude for everyone and everything that has been placed before us. we are very fortunate and we have no idea, even to be alive and standing can be the reason for a celebration.
"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. its an ocean out there so how do we keep from drowning?"
May 28 2009 I am thining that it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they are perfectly alligned..
“Communication. It’s the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.”
-i think it's a little funny how we can relate to words. they are just simply letters when we think about it. our mind can come up with crazy emotions and thoughts and yet sometimes the most important things are just under you're tounge.
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross. "
May 29 2009 because no matter how much something hurts sometimes letting it go could be the worst pain..
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines… that are way too dangerous to cross."
-I'm so confused how everything is so rushed in this world, were all searching for thinkgs that could quite possibly not exist and were acting like maniacs for no reason. its a crazy world out there and we all just need to calm down and notice everything around us could be all that were looking for.
June 2 2009 How my days they spin me round and how today they let me down
"At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away."
-today, math was amazing. talks with my best friend make me unbelievably happy, you make me so calm and content
-How do we live when we don't know what to stive for or how to do it?
-how can we believe in gossip and not god?
-I noticed i stress way to much over the little things
-The new moon trailer was amazing!
-I'm honestly so scared, no one understands, they aren't in my position
-who are we guided by or are we here by a mistake? are we god/satans sitcom
-I hate it when parents think regret things or think that they haven't given us everything we needed, they always do it right
-I cant wait to have kids and fall in love, i hope this word or emotion is true. i believe in love but how can we let an emotion guiide us in life? it's the only thing we have to grasp onto..
June 4 2009 they will see us waving from such great heights "come down now" they'll say but everything looks so perfect from far away "come down now" but we'll stay..
“Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it and life always makes more.”
-i love the color of honey, the taste and texture. well not just of honey, of everything really, were so lucky to have such amazing things in this world. we have the opportunity to change it all, now all we have to do is act.
-I dont know what to do, i think i would be a fool to be with someone like you
-humans judge so much and what they have yet to figure out is that the ones who've been hurt are so much stronger than the rest of them.
LOL sorry i didn't post these for such a long time, well at least they're here now :)
P.S. the quotes in the quotations are't by me. haha i only wish.
May 21 2009 Note..
-how can we ever think that our thoughts can let us down, our mind is a mystery no matter how we spin around and our life lets us down we always have tomorrow. its never too late to start a new day, to forgive and start to love again. i had the pleasure of going down to visit in southern alberta this past week and i would have never found out how much love and affection my mother has for me without it, we talked about love, god and everything under the sun that life entitles How life can be so hard at times but all we have to do is get up on our feet and try again, it's as simple as that. it's never too late to try again and if you're seeking love from someone that you think you've lost if they truly love you they will learn to love you again. forgiveness is such a hard issue for me. i try to love so hard, to love everyone around me and to believe in it so that my life will somehow make sense. my mom told me that a huge part of love is knowing that you need to forgive people, i've always had trouble letting down my guard to my emotions and somehow whenever i do i find that i get hurt. i said why should i forgive someone after they've hurt me so badly and they've let me down to a point where i don't want to live or love anymore and she replied and said 'that thats part of loving, in order to take life to the fullest we need to not let certain things bother us. i've forgiven you're aunt and she is now one of my best friends. if i hadn't done that i wouldn't have experienced most of the most memorable moments of my life.' god has enabled us to forgive and we should learn to use that to our advantage but this is only for those who deserve it and will be there for you in the long run. forgiveness is not for any soul but for those who will love you back, if my mother has given me the most amazing advice it was that to trust in god and to love everyone around you, everyone deserves a little love from everyone. when you love people they will return a favor. i don't want to have huge regret and guilt on my shoulders from not forgiving and loving certain people in my life but honestly some people son't deserve it, how am i supposed to love everyone when all those people have shown me hate? how am i supposed to forgive them and love them when they don't believe in anything i do or anything that is true? my oh my how my how my thoughts spin me round. not just thoughts but real people. it's amazing how much words and actions and simple thoughts can effect people, how man made things can affect our lives and make us do things we never thought possible in good and bad ways. And how religion can be decyphered by those we call "prophets"... were all the same person, i don't understand why or how we can follow one person. decide for yourself what and who you want to be. don't follow other people. many parents say don't be a follower and yet they choose to follow others for religion.. it makes no sense when you think about it. we always say follow your heart but truly no one is. were all one person following one another. everything is the same, somehow robotic. change things for yourself, decide things for yourself do things for yourself and create your own views. it sounds selfish but which sounds more rediculous, following your heart or becoming part of a huge cult that is known as earth? were the most selfish planet you know? if you'r christian then you know the whole thing about the crusification. were the only ones who would do that. who would pound nails into someones hand because of what they believe, look at the holocaust, and even what is happening in srilanka right now. people can be terrible and cruel. but thats why we have to help one another help eachother grow, express our views and create relationships that will last forever. God has so much left to come for all of us and so many more trials and hardships but really, where would life be without the bad things? we wouldn't really feel real, we wouldn't appreciate the small victories that rarely come upon us. we all need to love and to appreciate what we have, to have grattitude for everyone and everything that has been placed before us. we are very fortunate and we have no idea, even to be alive and standing can be the reason for a celebration.
"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. its an ocean out there so how do we keep from drowning?"
May 28 2009 I am thining that it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they are perfectly alligned..
“Communication. It’s the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.”
-i think it's a little funny how we can relate to words. they are just simply letters when we think about it. our mind can come up with crazy emotions and thoughts and yet sometimes the most important things are just under you're tounge.
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross. "
May 29 2009 because no matter how much something hurts sometimes letting it go could be the worst pain..
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines… that are way too dangerous to cross."
-I'm so confused how everything is so rushed in this world, were all searching for thinkgs that could quite possibly not exist and were acting like maniacs for no reason. its a crazy world out there and we all just need to calm down and notice everything around us could be all that were looking for.
June 2 2009 How my days they spin me round and how today they let me down
"At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away."
-today, math was amazing. talks with my best friend make me unbelievably happy, you make me so calm and content
-How do we live when we don't know what to stive for or how to do it?
-how can we believe in gossip and not god?
-I noticed i stress way to much over the little things
-The new moon trailer was amazing!
-I'm honestly so scared, no one understands, they aren't in my position
-who are we guided by or are we here by a mistake? are we god/satans sitcom
-I hate it when parents think regret things or think that they haven't given us everything we needed, they always do it right
-I cant wait to have kids and fall in love, i hope this word or emotion is true. i believe in love but how can we let an emotion guiide us in life? it's the only thing we have to grasp onto..
June 4 2009 they will see us waving from such great heights "come down now" they'll say but everything looks so perfect from far away "come down now" but we'll stay..
“Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it and life always makes more.”
-i love the color of honey, the taste and texture. well not just of honey, of everything really, were so lucky to have such amazing things in this world. we have the opportunity to change it all, now all we have to do is act.
-I dont know what to do, i think i would be a fool to be with someone like you
-humans judge so much and what they have yet to figure out is that the ones who've been hurt are so much stronger than the rest of them.
LOL sorry i didn't post these for such a long time, well at least they're here now :)
P.S. the quotes in the quotations are't by me. haha i only wish.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
the best piece of advice i've ever given:
Thats a really sticky situation, i wouldn't go for him honestly babe. hes left you 3 times and now he's telling you that he loves you? it hardly makes any sense. if he truly loved you then he wouldn't have told you because he knew it would make you're life so much more dramatic. and plus since it was sarahs first time, it would kind of be like a devistation to her having her best friend date him. i know this sounsds corny but if you love him, you'll let him go. and you'll find some way to get over it and find out a way to find love again, but it is you're choice, just listen to what you're heart says. what i just said was an oppinion and something i think, its all up to you, adn thasts one of the hardest things, i know you want someone to tell you what to do, but it's best it came from you.
Monday, April 6, 2009
200904062
Love.
no one knows the true and full meaning of the word
but somehow i am jealous of thoes who have a
better understanding than i do.
its quite a complex thing when you think about it.
im sure that everyone can say that they love their parents
but thats only because they made you and you have a bond
that no one could ever dismantle.
but honestly what is love, the affection you feel towards someone
or the deep endless and unconditional admiration thats
shared among two people. theres no one word that can express
the deep emotion felt by one.
i guess we all have a description inside of us of what love is
but hardly any of us are bold enough to share it.
never forget what you think love is, because thats what will keep you going for the
rest of your life
check out the song: message from your heart
by: Kina Grannis
god is love, have an amazing day.
no one knows the true and full meaning of the word
but somehow i am jealous of thoes who have a
better understanding than i do.
its quite a complex thing when you think about it.
im sure that everyone can say that they love their parents
but thats only because they made you and you have a bond
that no one could ever dismantle.
but honestly what is love, the affection you feel towards someone
or the deep endless and unconditional admiration thats
shared among two people. theres no one word that can express
the deep emotion felt by one.
i guess we all have a description inside of us of what love is
but hardly any of us are bold enough to share it.
never forget what you think love is, because thats what will keep you going for the
rest of your life
check out the song: message from your heart
by: Kina Grannis
god is love, have an amazing day.
20090406
“Follow me into the sunset
Where we will wait for the dark to come
When it’s time we will trace our steps into the night
Entering the place of wonder where no worries are present
Chase me towards the dusk
Where no mistakes can be made”
-kyla
haha sorry this is kind of depressing
Slipping through your grip
i have to leave you now.
to start an unfamilliar journey
when you gaze into my eyes i see the pain and
mysery that forms. Im sorry
i just cant deal with this any more.
loosing grip on your hands
while grasping for your heart
i will never let go no matter how
close i am to slipping and falling into dispair
i am afraid to be free from your security.
Hold me in you're arms tand stay with me forever.
i dont know how things will be but i do know
that i will pray every night and day
to let god kow what i have to say.
i see how you are scared now
and i remember all the memories that we shared,
i can't leave you behind with all this and the
anticipation of my farewell.
loosing grip on your hands
while grasping for your heart
i will never let go no matter how
close i am to slipping and falling into dispair
i am afraid to be free from your security.
hold me in you're arms and stay with me forever.
your comforting touch and beautiful
love will always keep me drawn into your
soul and keep me alive. away from anguish and
helplessness. you always know how to
take care of me when i need you, you're always there.
im scared to leave you mom
please dont forget me while i am gone
but know that i will always come back to
your arms, i will always be you're kindly
kindly kyla.
loosing grip on your hands
while grasping for your heart
i will never let go no matter how
close i am to slipping and falling into dispair
i am afraid to be free from your security.
hold me in you're arms and stay with me forever.
I'm moving away to my dads and
my mom is like my life line and i dont know what to do
what if i run out and drive myself into a giant hole of
desperation and failure.
this is the scaries thing of my life.
and whenever i think of leaving my mom
i fell like i want to cry, but then i think off all the
bad things going on in my life here
and how much they would be fixed if i just moved away.
but is that always the answer, just to run away?
to flee the premis when something goes wrong?
i feel like im abandoing all the ones i love
but that i need to do this for me,
im sorry.
Where we will wait for the dark to come
When it’s time we will trace our steps into the night
Entering the place of wonder where no worries are present
Chase me towards the dusk
Where no mistakes can be made”
-kyla
haha sorry this is kind of depressing
Slipping through your grip
i have to leave you now.
to start an unfamilliar journey
when you gaze into my eyes i see the pain and
mysery that forms. Im sorry
i just cant deal with this any more.
loosing grip on your hands
while grasping for your heart
i will never let go no matter how
close i am to slipping and falling into dispair
i am afraid to be free from your security.
Hold me in you're arms tand stay with me forever.
i dont know how things will be but i do know
that i will pray every night and day
to let god kow what i have to say.
i see how you are scared now
and i remember all the memories that we shared,
i can't leave you behind with all this and the
anticipation of my farewell.
loosing grip on your hands
while grasping for your heart
i will never let go no matter how
close i am to slipping and falling into dispair
i am afraid to be free from your security.
hold me in you're arms and stay with me forever.
your comforting touch and beautiful
love will always keep me drawn into your
soul and keep me alive. away from anguish and
helplessness. you always know how to
take care of me when i need you, you're always there.
im scared to leave you mom
please dont forget me while i am gone
but know that i will always come back to
your arms, i will always be you're kindly
kindly kyla.
loosing grip on your hands
while grasping for your heart
i will never let go no matter how
close i am to slipping and falling into dispair
i am afraid to be free from your security.
hold me in you're arms and stay with me forever.
I'm moving away to my dads and
my mom is like my life line and i dont know what to do
what if i run out and drive myself into a giant hole of
desperation and failure.
this is the scaries thing of my life.
and whenever i think of leaving my mom
i fell like i want to cry, but then i think off all the
bad things going on in my life here
and how much they would be fixed if i just moved away.
but is that always the answer, just to run away?
to flee the premis when something goes wrong?
i feel like im abandoing all the ones i love
but that i need to do this for me,
im sorry.
Friday, January 23, 2009
i will follow you into the dark
love of mine some day you will die but i'll be close behind i'll follow you into the dark.
no blinding lights or tunnels to gates of white just our hands clasped so tight waiting for the hint of a spark. if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs. if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, then i will follow you into the dark
in catholic school is vicious as roman rule i got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black. i held my tounge as she told me son fear is the heart of love so i never went back. if heaven and hell decide that they are both satisfied illuminate the nos on their vacancy signs, if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks then i will follow you into the dark.
you and me have seen everything to see from bankok to calgary and the souls of your shoes, have all worn down the time for sleep is now theres nothing to cry about because we'el hold eachother soon. and the blackest of rooms.
if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied illuminate the nos on their vacancy signs, if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks then i will follow you into the dark, i will folllow you into the dark
no blinding lights or tunnels to gates of white just our hands clasped so tight waiting for the hint of a spark. if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs. if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, then i will follow you into the dark
in catholic school is vicious as roman rule i got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black. i held my tounge as she told me son fear is the heart of love so i never went back. if heaven and hell decide that they are both satisfied illuminate the nos on their vacancy signs, if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks then i will follow you into the dark.
you and me have seen everything to see from bankok to calgary and the souls of your shoes, have all worn down the time for sleep is now theres nothing to cry about because we'el hold eachother soon. and the blackest of rooms.
if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied illuminate the nos on their vacancy signs, if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks then i will follow you into the dark, i will folllow you into the dark
Monday, January 19, 2009
somethin' i wrote for school:
“Follow me into the sunset
Where we will wait for the dark to come
When it’s time we will trace our steps into the night
Entering the place of wonder where no worries are present
Chase me towards the duskWhere no mistakes can be made”
Where we will wait for the dark to come
When it’s time we will trace our steps into the night
Entering the place of wonder where no worries are present
Chase me towards the duskWhere no mistakes can be made”
i really like this poem,
even though i made it, haha.
but it shows alot of depth for me. see if you can figure it out.
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