Everything looks so perfect from far away

"You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until it's happening. You don't recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you're right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone. The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize there's not enough time, because you wanna live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days."

May 21 2009 Note..
-how can we ever think that our thoughts can let us down, our mind is a mystery no matter how we spin around and our life lets us down we always have tomorrow. its never too late to start a new day, to forgive and start to love again. i had the pleasure of going down to visit in southern alberta this past week and i would have never found out how much love and affection my mother has for me without it, we talked about love, god and everything under the sun that life entitles How life can be so hard at times but all we have to do is get up on our feet and try again, it's as simple as that. it's never too late to try again and if you're seeking love from someone that you think you've lost if they truly love you they will learn to love you again. forgiveness is such a hard issue for me. i try to love so hard, to love everyone around me and to believe in it so that my life will somehow make sense. my mom told me that a huge part of love is knowing that you need to forgive people, i've always had trouble letting down my guard to my emotions and somehow whenever i do i find that i get hurt. i said why should i forgive someone after they've hurt me so badly and they've let me down to a point where i don't want to live or love anymore and she replied and said 'that thats part of loving, in order to take life to the fullest we need to not let certain things bother us. i've forgiven you're aunt and she is now one of my best friends. if i hadn't done that i wouldn't have experienced most of the most memorable moments of my life.' god has enabled us to forgive and we should learn to use that to our advantage but this is only for those who deserve it and will be there for you in the long run. forgiveness is not for any soul but for those who will love you back, if my mother has given me the most amazing advice it was that to trust in god and to love everyone around you, everyone deserves a little love from everyone. when you love people they will return a favor. i don't want to have huge regret and guilt on my shoulders from not forgiving and loving certain people in my life but honestly some people son't deserve it, how am i supposed to love everyone when all those people have shown me hate? how am i supposed to forgive them and love them when they don't believe in anything i do or anything that is true? my oh my how my how my thoughts spin me round. not just thoughts but real people. it's amazing how much words and actions and simple thoughts can effect people, how man made things can affect our lives and make us do things we never thought possible in good and bad ways. And how religion can be decyphered by those we call "prophets"... were all the same person, i don't understand why or how we can follow one person. decide for yourself what and who you want to be. don't follow other people. many parents say don't be a follower and yet they choose to follow others for religion.. it makes no sense when you think about it. we always say follow your heart but truly no one is. were all one person following one another. everything is the same, somehow robotic. change things for yourself, decide things for yourself do things for yourself and create your own views. it sounds selfish but which sounds more rediculous, following your heart or becoming part of a huge cult that is known as earth? were the most selfish planet you know? if you'r christian then you know the whole thing about the crusification. were the only ones who would do that. who would pound nails into someones hand because of what they believe, look at the holocaust, and even what is happening in srilanka right now. people can be terrible and cruel. but thats why we have to help one another help eachother grow, express our views and create relationships that will last forever. God has so much left to come for all of us and so many more trials and hardships but really, where would life be without the bad things? we wouldn't really feel real, we wouldn't appreciate the small victories that rarely come upon us. we all need to love and to appreciate what we have, to have grattitude for everyone and everything that has been placed before us. we are very fortunate and we have no idea, even to be alive and standing can be the reason for a celebration.

"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. its an ocean out there so how do we keep from drowning?"

May 28 2009 I am thining that it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they are perfectly alligned..
“Communication. It’s the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.”
-i think it's a little funny how we can relate to words. they are just simply letters when we think about it. our mind can come up with crazy emotions and thoughts and yet sometimes the most important things are just under you're tounge.

"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross. "

May 29 2009 because no matter how much something hurts sometimes letting it go could be the worst pain..
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines… that are way too dangerous to cross."
-I'm so confused how everything is so rushed in this world, were all searching for thinkgs that could quite possibly not exist and were acting like maniacs for no reason. its a crazy world out there and we all just need to calm down and notice everything around us could be all that were looking for.

June 2 2009 How my days they spin me round and how today they let me down
"At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away."
-today, math was amazing. talks with my best friend make me unbelievably happy, you make me so calm and content
-How do we live when we don't know what to stive for or how to do it?
-how can we believe in gossip and not god?
-I noticed i stress way to much over the little things
-The new moon trailer was amazing!
-I'm honestly so scared, no one understands, they aren't in my position
-who are we guided by or are we here by a mistake? are we god/satans sitcom
-I hate it when parents think regret things or think that they haven't given us everything we needed, they always do it right
-I cant wait to have kids and fall in love, i hope this word or emotion is true. i believe in love but how can we let an emotion guiide us in life? it's the only thing we have to grasp onto..

June 4 2009 they will see us waving from such great heights "come down now" they'll say but everything looks so perfect from far away "come down now" but we'll stay..
“Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it and life always makes more.”
-i love the color of honey, the taste and texture. well not just of honey, of everything really, were so lucky to have such amazing things in this world. we have the opportunity to change it all, now all we have to do is act.
-I dont know what to do, i think i would be a fool to be with someone like you
-humans judge so much and what they have yet to figure out is that the ones who've been hurt are so much stronger than the rest of them.

LOL sorry i didn't post these for such a long time, well at least they're here now :)
P.S. the quotes in the quotations are't by me. haha i only wish.